dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
