Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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