Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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