Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
