this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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