"it" just moved
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
