I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
