Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Pants 0. Shit 1.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
