i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
