I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
