You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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