i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
