I cannot find my penis.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
