You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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