Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
