tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
