Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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