Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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