So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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