I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
