Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
