How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
