I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
