He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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