I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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