Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
