you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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