Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
