From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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