Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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