At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
