There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
