I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We got so high we made milksteak
party gras won. party gras always wins.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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