Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
