I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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