I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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