I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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