I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
