There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
