Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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