he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
