I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
