I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm at about main and main street
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
