I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
