remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
