So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
