I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
