3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
there is glitter all over my balls
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
