i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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