I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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