I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
